By Ricardo Abud
For decades, Americans have celebrated Superman as the ultimate symbol of heroism and American values.
But have we ever considered the darker aspects of this individual's presence in our country?
It's time we face the uncomfortable reality: Superman is, technically speaking, an undocumented immigrant who has operated without government oversight for years. No one knows for sure how he arrived, if he cleared immigration, if he was vaccinated against interplanetary rabies, or if he even filed a DS-160 form. The truth is that Superman, the purest icon of the "American Dream," is actually the largest illegal immigration case in the history of the United States.
It all started when the Kents, a seemingly well-intentioned Kansas farming couple, found a crashed spaceship on their property. Their first reaction? Not to call federal authorities, but to hide evidence of extraterrestrial contact and illegally adopt a minor without any documentation. Yes, Kal-El. That one. The guy with the red cape, the curly hair, and the planetary trauma. He came from Krypton in an unregistered spaceship, entered through Kansas without a passport stamp, and grew up as an undocumented farmer. Neither ICE, Homeland Security, nor the FBI detected him. All because his adoptive parents in Smallville said he was "a very special baby who fell from the sky." Aha! What if he had been Venezuelan?
How exactly did they enroll Clark Kent in the school system? With what birth certificate? Where are his prenatal medical records? The answer is simple: they don't exist. The Kents, complicit in illegal immigration, fabricated an entire identity for this foreigner.
For years, Superman attended taxpayer-funded American public schools, with no one questioning his immigration status. How did he manage to get a college scholarship? What Social Security number did he apply with? Where are his SAT scores? The University of Kansas has a lot of explaining to do about how an individual without valid documents not only enrolled but also excelled in sports. Did anyone consider that he might have unfair advantages over human students? Where were the drug tests when we needed them?
But the most alarming thing is his criminal record: massive destruction of private property, systematic violation of airspace, invasion of other countries without congressional authorization, and structural collapses in at least 17 cities. And no one says anything because the guy smiles, has abs, and saves cats from trees. Please!
The collateral damage of their "rescues" is astronomical:
Metropolis : Virtually rebuilt three times due to clashes with the "Man of Steel."
Destroyed buildings : Countless skyscrapers turned into rubble.
Damaged infrastructure : Streets, bridges, sewage systems, all devastated by their fights.
Who pays for these damages? The American taxpayer, of course. Superman has never filed a liability insurance policy. In fact, has he ever paid taxes? On what income? Is he licensed to fly in national airspace? Imagine if instead of being called Kal-El, his name was Carlos Enrique López. He'd be dragged out of a construction site in Queens in handcuffs. But of course, since he flies and gives inspiring speeches, he's treated as a "strategic ally." They even built him a statue in Metropolis. A statue of an undocumented alien who never went to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles).
This is where things get really suspicious. Clark Kent works for the Daily Planet, supposedly as a journalist. Did the newspaper check his credentials? His I-9? His eligibility to work in the United States? What's more, don't you find it convenient that the same newspaper that employs Kent is the one that gives the most positive coverage to Superman? A conflict of interest? Media bias? Manipulation of public opinion by a foreigner? The questions multiply.
What's even more troubling is that Kent has a suspicious work history. He constantly disappears during work hours, always with vague excuses. What employer would tolerate such absenteeism? Unless, of course, he was receiving additional compensation for his biased Superman coverage.
Superman has effectively created a monopoly on the emergency rescue market. Where are the local heroes? The firefighters? The emergency responders? When Superman shows up, trained professionals step aside, creating an unhealthy dependence on a single, untrained individual. Has Superman ever taken a first aid course? Does he know emergency protocols? Has he been certified in urban rescue? The answer is no. He operates as an unlicensed vigilante, unsupervised, and accountable to no one.
Let's analyze the economic impact of Superman on the American labor market:
Construction Industry : Superman's superpowers allow him to complete projects in minutes that would take entire teams of workers weeks. How many jobs has he eliminated with his superhuman speed?
Moving Industry : Why hire a moving company when Superman can lift entire buildings? Thousands of workers displaced by alien competition.
Emergency Services : Professional rescuers have seen their relevance diminished. Who needs firefighters when there's an alien that can fly?
Air Transport : Superman regularly violates air traffic regulations, creating hazards for commercial aviation. How many air traffic controllers have had to deal with an "unidentified flying object" that turns out to be our hometown hero?
Superman routinely violates the airspace of multiple countries without diplomatic permission. He uses his super-hearing to eavesdrop on private conversations. His X-ray vision constitutes a massive violation of privacy. Where are the warrants? Who authorizes these surveillance operations? Technically, Superman operates as an unregistered foreign agent making unilateral decisions about national security. In any other context, this would be called espionage.
It's time for the United States to make a difficult but necessary decision. We propose the production of a film that finally addresses these issues: "Deport Superman: Build the Fortress of Solitude to Mexico . "
The plot follows a courageous ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) agent who discovers Superman's true identity and must navigate federal bureaucracy to prosecute the world's most powerful alien. The hunt begins. ICE, the Department of Homeland Security, and Lex Luthor (now Secretary of Defense) team up to find the Kryptonian.
The evidence is irrefutable:
Never applied for TPS (nor for the galactic DACA).
He doesn't have Social Security. The number he gave begins with "000."
He has destroyed more federal buildings than Godzilla in depression.
Superman hires a Venezuelan immigration lawyer (who survives by a miracle and arepas) to try to save himself. The plot? Interplanetary political persecution. Plan B? Build a new Fortress of Solitude in Baja California and apply for refuge, Mexican asylum.
Meanwhile, on social media, the debate rages. Is Superman a hero or an invader? Is he an example of integration or a national threat? A tweet from the governor of Texas reads: "I don't care if he flies; if he doesn't have papers, he's going back to his own planet."
The film will explore profound questions: Can good deeds justify illegal presence? Should the United States make exceptions for "useful" individuals? What message does this send to other immigrants who have followed legal procedures? Superman might argue that he saved the world multiple times, but isn't that exactly what any foreigner trying to avoid deportation would say?
And there's the man of steel, the visa-less migrant, the undocumented dreamer. In court, without a cape, reading the asylum requirements while his lawyer tells him: "Dude, don't say he can destroy meteorites." He's arguing that there's a dictatorship on your planet.
In a country where thousands struggle to obtain a work permit, Superman flies through the skies unpunished. Maybe it's time to set limits... or at least an appointment with USCIS.
In the end, "Deport Superman" wouldn't just be a comedy; it would hold up a mirror to our own contradictions about immigration, heroism, and justice. Because if we truly want to be a nation of laws, those laws must apply to everyone... even those who can stop trains with their bare hands.
Are we ready to deport our favorite hero? Or will we finally recognize that maybe, just maybe, Superman's true power lies not in his strength, but in reminding us that being an American isn't about where you're born, but about the values you choose to uphold? Because if Superman doesn't have papers... what hope do the rest of us have?
Coming soon: "Superman vs. ICE: Dawn of Deportation"
Author's note: Neither Superman nor Clark Kent are real people, and any similarity to individuals living or dead is purely coincidental, even though their ancestors are German. Please don't try to deport superheroes.
THERE IS NOTHING MORE EXCLUSIVE THAN DEPORTING A SUPERHERO.
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